If you settle for what you can get, you may never get what you could.

The Bottom Line: Challenge yourself to do the tough stuff that will get you what you really want.

A friend once made a powerful observation: “Every time you settle for less than you really want, it’s like burying yourself alive.”

Ouch.

This really got me thinking, and I realized that settling bears a striking resemblance to “playing to not lose.”  Both result in living a life that’s more “blah” than “brilliant.”  Both have serious implications for both your professional and personal outcomes. The question is, What can you do about it?

Here are three action steps.

Determine whether you’re settling or strategizing.

Settling is typically a choice you make unconsciously.  Strategizing, on the other hand, is an intentional choice to hold off on a particular course of action until certain criteria are met.

For example, a woman might choose to hold off on officially launching a business until the kids get to be upperclassmen in high school, because her paycheck job requires less time and provides more predictable income than a start-up business would.  That’s not settling; that’s strategic planning. Then, once the youngest starts their junior year – look out, world!

Please note that acknowledging and accepting you’ve settled for something less than your ultimate desired outcome is not the same thing as beating yourself up over it!  Acknowledging and accepting are emotionally neutral responses to a choice, while beating yourself up is obviously judgmental.  You’ll get far better results with far less stress if you hang out in a judgment-free zone as often as possible.

Identify the short-term benefits you get from settling.

I firmly believe that any situation has some positive aspects to it.  There are as many potential payoffs to a given course of action (or inaction) as there are individuals.  What might those benefits look like for you?  Maybe you:

• bask in being admired for how “you’re always there for other people”
  
  
• appreciate not having to figure out how to make change happen
  
  
• value meeting the expectations of important others
  
  
• are relieved to avoid the discomfort – or perhaps the outright terror – that comes from going after a big goal

Acknowledge that you may find the long-term consequences of settling to be unacceptable.

Again, everyone’s experience will be different, but there will inevitably come a day when you realize you’ve paid a price for settling for less than what your heart really wants.  You may find that you...

• have stayed smaller than you have the potential to be
  
  
• regret your choices to not take action (people at the end of life overwhelmingly say they regret inaction – what they didn’t do – far more than anything they did do)
  
  
• realize you didn’t take very many opportunities to treat yourself as the most important person in your own life

So think about your current situation.  Are you settling for something “good enough” because that’s the easy option?  Are you intentionally biding your time as you create the circumstances that will support your success?  Or are you in the middle of a wild and crazy happy dance because you are creating what’s next for yourself?

(BTW, thanks to Ryan Riggins for posting the mug image on Unsplash.)