Are you looking for answers or putting up roadblocks?

The Bottom Line:

Be sure you're asking questions for the right reason.

While the notorious National Enquirer tabloid was right that “enquiring minds want to know,” they were only half right.

Resistant minds also want to know.

Think about it.  

When you purposefully ask questions to open-mindedly research options, you’re doing basic due diligence so you can make informed decisions.

It’s when you resort to questions as a way of pushing back on or resisting something new – and potentially valuable – that you can shoot yourself in the foot.

Is there anything you can do to make sure your questions are geared to propel you forward rather than hold you back?  Of course there is!

1.     Beware the "yabbut."

This is one of the biggest clues that your questions may be a sneaky form of resistance rather than a genuine quest for information.  You know what it sounds like:

• "Yeah, but that won't work in my industry." 
  
  
• "Yeah, but I tried that once already." 
  
  
• "Yeah, but that's just not me."

If you realize that “yabbut” is one of your more often used phrases, you get to challenge yourself: Are you just digging deep, or are you looking for ways to say “no”?

2.     Assess your emotional state. 

Do you feel curious, intrigued, excited?  Then you’re probably asking questions because you believe you can use the answers to create better outcomes for yourself.

Do you feel impatient, critical, pressured?  Those are clues that you’ve probably already made up your mind that you’re not willing to move ahead on the matter under consideration.

3.     Take note of your behaviors.

When you ask questions about information you intend to use, you’ll likely take notes of some sort – for example, jotting down ideas on how you can effectively apply what you’re learning to your current situation.

You’ll probably also listen intently, sometimes asking for more details or clarification.

When you ask questions to raise obstacles, on the other hand, chances are good you won’t be taking any notes; after all, there’s no point to it if you have no intention of doing anything with the information.

You may also find yourself short-circuiting the information-gathering process – either by interrupting the other person you’re talking to or, if you’re doing online research, flipping from one link to another without spending any real time reading what the page has to say.

4.    Tune in to your gut. 

This one is especially challenging for me personally, since I am the undisputed Queen of Arguing Both Sides.  Here's what it sounds like in my head:

    Side A: I’m asking a lot of questions, which is really smart.    Gathering information and analyzing it are two of my core strengths, so OF COURSE I’m going to apply these strengths to this situation!

    Side B: I’m asking a lot of questions.  Maybe that’s my gut screaming at me to walk away, even if the information sounds good when I look at it in strictly logical terms.

You see?  It’s not pretty.  I’m hoping that you and your gut are on better speaking terms, especially considering the studies that indicate successful people tend to rely primarily on their gut instincts for making important decisions.

If you’re dealing with some mondo transition – an empty nest, retirement, a change in relationship status – you may find yourself asking some BIG questions:

• What’s next for me?
  
  
• What in the world do I do now?
  
  
• How do I even know where to begin?

Now, these may indicate resistance, or they may just indicate a burning desire for some information and clarity.  If your enquiring mind wants to know, I have an answer.  It’s my new course, called Time to Create What’s Next: How to Make the Rest of Your Life the BEST of Your Life.  If you want structured guidance in answering these profound questions, sign up for Time to Create here.

(BTW, thanks to Benny Lin for posting the dead-end image on Flickr.)